I believe in miracles.... I really do. But there are days when I'm feeling short of one, you know like when you're in an ordinary day lockdown and even the glories of GoT fail to inspire you to stop the ennui from creeping right back in. What do you do?
Well if you'll take my word, just hit the supermarket. No, we're not going to pay the Retail Therapist an expensive visit to stir our spirits. Instead, let's just look, shall we? I mean there are so many miracles everyday just waiting to be found. And in this case, you don't even have to try too hard. A casual stroll down the beauty aisle and there you are! Age-reversing, sun-defying, youth-revitalizing, mane-restoring, and all said adjectives in the English language.... Enough to lure you into needing a miracle, even though you were feeling pretty to begin with. And if you happen to stop momentarily to consider, a seemingly sweet saleslady, in coral lipstick and a perfectly coiffed do, will magically appear, flashing her fake eyelashes at you. A short greeting exchanged, she embarks on this unctuous routine that'll ease you into selling your soul out. Well, before showing you a tainted mirror with all your freckles, dark circles and not-so-fine lines come to life, hissing "Help Ussss!".
OK, bad idea. Let's move ahead.
You hit the food and drink aisles...More marvels beckon. Colon-happy, Oryazenol-enriched oils that lower your cholesterol, protect your heart and what the hell, you may even live longer. Low-fat nutty cereals, gluten-free snackies, slim milk, slimming teas with perky, happy women with Rihanna-like bods on the packaging, that only reaffirm that it's time to kiss those love handles goodbye. Probiotics for your guts, cereal bars for your stamina, and so many other healing food and drinks touted for giving you all the goodness of nature. And while they're at that, you just might look like the lean, mean sexy beast that you are meant to be.
But hey, that's funny. I'd say the average shopper looks more like this. (No offense, whoever you may be.)
Well, maybe they don't have a damn clue about what they're doing even when eight out of ten products are screaming at them, "Hey you forgot to take your youth... in a tiny tube", "How about those tight abs you've always craved for...in a cereal box", and "Get Cleopatra's silken tresses...in a bottle".
So it really begs the question, "Are these products, with all their tall claims that make the 'Water into Wine' miracle seem meh, really that good? We continue to be bamboozled by super-human, glossy marketing pitches, all of them that come with some sort of expert "stamp of approval". As gullible as we humble earthlings are, we fall into their trap.
But let's just take a look at some of these product hypes at face value. It's not that they're deceptive, but also ridiculously awful. I mean I'm sure they're looking for impulse purchases by tapping into their consumers' worst insecurities and selling needs that have been ingrained tactfully, without the slightest noise.
But all they manage to evoke is this.
So here's a small list of ridiculously awful product hypes, in no particular order:
1. Moisturising Body Washes:
Dove
We've all seen this bizarre commercial. Two grown-up women on the verge of a touchy-feely cat fight over what moisturises better - Milk or Dove. And just like that, they get thrown into a bath-off setting to figure out who'll have softer skin at the end of it. Yea, that's all they're trying to figure out, you dirty mind` you. But I'm not that baffled by the uncalled-for, PG-rated, borderline girl-on-girl imagery, the more pressing question is , "Who the f*** takes a soak in milk?"
Not only does it sound disgusting and wasteful but I can only imagine how pissed off that cow would be if she found out that she got udder-to-face with a man just so you can soak your flaky skin in its milk.
Moisturising body washes, however, are milder than soap so they're essentially good for you. So next time ladies, no need to buy a gallon of milk. Just get a bottle of Dove body wash. Convenient...truly.
2. Low-fat Cereals:
Kellogg's Special K - The Challenge
OK, I was kind of swayed into testing this challenge but the idea of eating it twice a day for two weeks...nope not up for it. But if it's really that good, why couldn't they use a more realistic success story in its commercial?
Instead, they show us a not-so-desperate looking Deepika Padukone. In a fight with flab!
Now, I've been following Deepika Padukone's pelvic area for a very long time. No, don't get the wrong idea. It's just to get some old-fashioned, gleaning comfort from the fact that even a skinny woman like her can occasionally sport love handles. However, I can testify in court that this woman's never had any. So what we see in the ad is a before-version of Miss Padukone in a loose tee and then an after-version of her flaunting her waist, that was flawlessly flat to begin with?
Not sold!
3. Instant Noodles:
Maggi Noodles
Taste to hai par health bhi??
Maggi noodles - a quick, deliciously versatile, comfort food with high-nostalgic value. It's on our pantry shelves, at roadside tapris, on the specials at sophisticated cafes, even in the remotest corners of the country ; so powerful is its patent masala. And apparently, they have whole-wheat options too for those who are health-conscious. But honestly, saying that it's healthy? Now that's taking it too far. You can Meri Maggi all you want and add all sorts of vegetables, eggs, tofu or even broccoli to it but the nutritional value will only be limited to your clever supplements.
Instant noodles are high in sodium, fat and carbs and just because they have very tactfully added trivial quantities of iron and calcium, it's not going to make it healthy. Kinda like saying add kale juice to your daily dose of scotch to make it liver-friendly or why don't you just lace your cigarette with eucalyptus for that persistent cough?
4. Nutrition Bars:
RiteBite
I get it. We're an on-the-run generation. There's absolutely no time to sit down for a lavish breakfast spread, let alone cook one. So, it makes sense to pick up a few nutrition bars and keep them stashed in your purse, you know, just in case the hunger pangs strike. And we've got a wealth of them - high-energy bars, protein bars, breakfast bars, diet bars, women-only bars, brain-boosting bars. Straight out of a sci-fi movie, I'd say.
These bars may make sense for athletes or for you if your first breakfast impulse is to run down to your local food stall for some greasy pakoras. (Oh, did I say run? I mean take the elevator.) But they do not fit into the healthy food choice bill. And if you're not careful in reading the fine script, you may just be opting for one high in saturated fats and sugar, much like a Snickers bar.
5. Anti-Ageing Creams:
Olay Regenerist
When life gives you zits, make beauty spots. We bravely battled pimples the size of golf balls in school only to laugh off the war trauma as "DIY zit concealer experiments gone wrong" in adulthood. And what do we get after reaching the other side? Fine lines, wrinkles, saggy eyes, and a haggard-looking face staring back at you in your morning reflection. So it's natural that instead of accepting who you are or treading down the more difficult course of changing your lifestyle, you look for miracles. And where do you find them? On commercials showing you an image of your favourite celebrity endorsing an age-reversing serum, looking a decade younger, photo-shopped to perfection. And there may be a lot of good ingredients in that cream, such as retinol and antioxidants, but none of them are going to turn back the clock for you. You may have better-looking skin over a period of time, which is awesome, but let's be realistic. It's not going to make you look a decade younger, and definitely not so in four weeks.
Have more to add to the list? Feel free to write in your comments and I'll come back with a vengeance with Part 2.
Well if you'll take my word, just hit the supermarket. No, we're not going to pay the Retail Therapist an expensive visit to stir our spirits. Instead, let's just look, shall we? I mean there are so many miracles everyday just waiting to be found. And in this case, you don't even have to try too hard. A casual stroll down the beauty aisle and there you are! Age-reversing, sun-defying, youth-revitalizing, mane-restoring, and all said adjectives in the English language.... Enough to lure you into needing a miracle, even though you were feeling pretty to begin with. And if you happen to stop momentarily to consider, a seemingly sweet saleslady, in coral lipstick and a perfectly coiffed do, will magically appear, flashing her fake eyelashes at you. A short greeting exchanged, she embarks on this unctuous routine that'll ease you into selling your soul out. Well, before showing you a tainted mirror with all your freckles, dark circles and not-so-fine lines come to life, hissing "Help Ussss!".
OK, bad idea. Let's move ahead.
You hit the food and drink aisles...More marvels beckon. Colon-happy, Oryazenol-enriched oils that lower your cholesterol, protect your heart and what the hell, you may even live longer. Low-fat nutty cereals, gluten-free snackies, slim milk, slimming teas with perky, happy women with Rihanna-like bods on the packaging, that only reaffirm that it's time to kiss those love handles goodbye. Probiotics for your guts, cereal bars for your stamina, and so many other healing food and drinks touted for giving you all the goodness of nature. And while they're at that, you just might look like the lean, mean sexy beast that you are meant to be.
But hey, that's funny. I'd say the average shopper looks more like this. (No offense, whoever you may be.)
Well, maybe they don't have a damn clue about what they're doing even when eight out of ten products are screaming at them, "Hey you forgot to take your youth... in a tiny tube", "How about those tight abs you've always craved for...in a cereal box", and "Get Cleopatra's silken tresses...in a bottle".
So it really begs the question, "Are these products, with all their tall claims that make the 'Water into Wine' miracle seem meh, really that good? We continue to be bamboozled by super-human, glossy marketing pitches, all of them that come with some sort of expert "stamp of approval". As gullible as we humble earthlings are, we fall into their trap.
But let's just take a look at some of these product hypes at face value. It's not that they're deceptive, but also ridiculously awful. I mean I'm sure they're looking for impulse purchases by tapping into their consumers' worst insecurities and selling needs that have been ingrained tactfully, without the slightest noise.
But all they manage to evoke is this.
So here's a small list of ridiculously awful product hypes, in no particular order:
1. Moisturising Body Washes:
We've all seen this bizarre commercial. Two grown-up women on the verge of a touchy-feely cat fight over what moisturises better - Milk or Dove. And just like that, they get thrown into a bath-off setting to figure out who'll have softer skin at the end of it. Yea, that's all they're trying to figure out, you dirty mind` you. But I'm not that baffled by the uncalled-for, PG-rated, borderline girl-on-girl imagery, the more pressing question is , "Who the f*** takes a soak in milk?"
Not only does it sound disgusting and wasteful but I can only imagine how pissed off that cow would be if she found out that she got udder-to-face with a man just so you can soak your flaky skin in its milk.
Moisturising body washes, however, are milder than soap so they're essentially good for you. So next time ladies, no need to buy a gallon of milk. Just get a bottle of Dove body wash. Convenient...truly.
2. Low-fat Cereals:
Kellogg's Special K - The Challenge
Instead, they show us a not-so-desperate looking Deepika Padukone. In a fight with flab!
Now, I've been following Deepika Padukone's pelvic area for a very long time. No, don't get the wrong idea. It's just to get some old-fashioned, gleaning comfort from the fact that even a skinny woman like her can occasionally sport love handles. However, I can testify in court that this woman's never had any. So what we see in the ad is a before-version of Miss Padukone in a loose tee and then an after-version of her flaunting her waist, that was flawlessly flat to begin with?
Not sold!
3. Instant Noodles:
Maggi Noodles
Taste to hai par health bhi??
Instant noodles are high in sodium, fat and carbs and just because they have very tactfully added trivial quantities of iron and calcium, it's not going to make it healthy. Kinda like saying add kale juice to your daily dose of scotch to make it liver-friendly or why don't you just lace your cigarette with eucalyptus for that persistent cough?
4. Nutrition Bars:
RiteBite
These bars may make sense for athletes or for you if your first breakfast impulse is to run down to your local food stall for some greasy pakoras. (Oh, did I say run? I mean take the elevator.) But they do not fit into the healthy food choice bill. And if you're not careful in reading the fine script, you may just be opting for one high in saturated fats and sugar, much like a Snickers bar.
5. Anti-Ageing Creams:
Olay Regenerist
Have more to add to the list? Feel free to write in your comments and I'll come back with a vengeance with Part 2.
Very well writtemn Shalu.Compile all bloggs subjectwise in portable hard disc May be it could used to launch your first book.
ReplyDeleteThank you dad! Inshallah :-)
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