Woman Thy Name is Whatever You Want It to Be

Image Source: Etsy

Five years ago, when I was working in Deloitte, there used to be a WIN program (Women's Initiative) to help women cope with any kind of changes they go through their personal/professional life. I remember how I, along with a bunch of female colleagues, had a heated discussion about how ridiculous and condescending the existence of such a program was. That we have reached a time of unprecedented change where we want men and women to be held on an equal pedestal and women ought not to be defined by their perceived limitations, whether be it in familial relationships, body image, health, or social expectations. We thought that program, in a way, subscribed to all the run-of-the-mill generalisations one is tempted to make about women at work - that work comes second place to personal changes in their lives. That work for a woman should not come in the way of building a family. And if it does, here are your less-appetizing, slow- professional growth options for the time being.

At that time, that discussion seemed so profoundly true for us. But today, when I look back at it, I just read a lot of dissonance. You see, I didn't quite know at that time that I was expecting a baby. I continued to work through the term of my pregnancy with a view of balancing my professional and personal life later. But when my daughter arrived, she took over everything in my world. And I, against all laid-out plans, decided to quit my job and give her my undivided time and attention. I had all the opportunities and challenges to make strides as a woman at work. But I chose to be a stay-at-home. So with all preconceived ideas and notions that I  had already made about a woman who chooses her family over work, I became a stay-at-home mom. 

Would I say now that I let myself be defined by my limitation of not being able to have a career for raising a baby? The answer is no. Cos, I know now, that being a woman means also being a wonderful melange of so many different things - a combination of who we are as an individual and of the choices we make in various social contexts and circumstances in our lives. The point is, I made that choice out of free will and it gave me unending happiness. 

It brings me to the other side of the discussion. Are men and women equal? We'd like to believe that we live in a world and a time where men and women are equal. I'd like to raise my daughter as an unconditioned, wild-spirited being, free of societal prejudices, unapologetic about her length of skirt or choice of career, true to herself and compassionate to the world around her. I want her to grow up to be a woman who stands up for her choices without having to add a clause, "I am allowed to..." But then, quite unremarkably so, there's not a woman I know who hasn't been stalked, labelled, lecherously stared at, limited, abused, threatened, patronized, whatever her life choices may have been. I still switch on the news to witness cases of horrific crimes against women, followed up by an utterly invasive biography of the victim to ascertain whether or not she lived by the rules of the society. On occasion, I have seen my house help sport a bruise on her arm or a black eye that she explains with a casual shrug, "I had an argument with my sister's husband." I have witnessed smart, educated, independent women live through abusive relationships for they couldn't envision a life for themselves unattached from a man. I have also seen other women be abusive to their own kind simply for trying to live life on their terms or for breaking stereotypes.

But on the other side of the spectrum, from the ashes of self-hatred and years of being repressed, I also see an emergence of self-aware, strong women, channelizing all their feminine energy towards a better, free-er tomorrow, to be the person they wish to be and to help others live happily. I am surrounded by such women. In my own home, I have my mother-in-law who is an epitome of a woman who chased all her dreams, who went on to finish her post-graduation after marriage, wrote children's education books, taught children for a good part of her life, while devoting herself equally to her family. Fun fact: She also drives better than most men I know. I have my sister who can hold her ground at a large social event or the family room and who does a kick-ass job of raising smart and confident thirteen-year old twins, working nearly all round the clock, keeping her personal and professional life in complete harmony. And she can literally kick anyone's ass. (Oh yea, she's scary.) I have my yoga teacher, Shammi, who has taught me that we are so much more than the physical, "feeble" confines of our body and the beauty standards dictated by fashion magazines - that we are not just delicate, f-ing flowers but proud warriors, standing tall and strong. I see inspiring women everywhere, in friends who started their own ventures at the age of 24, who stand by their femininity, for what they wear, how much they drink, whom they date, irrespective of whether they want to have a baby or not. I see women crusaders on social media coming forth with their lives, breaking the barriers of silence against naysayers, telling the world that THEY ARE and they believe, be it through a picture, a life transformation story, a battle against repression/abuse or a petition for the life they stand for.

It is undoubtedly a time of unprecedented change. We've come a long way. And we still have a long way to go. 

This day is all about revelling in being a woman. So, be your own kind of woman and emanate your inner feminine energy that brings about a spin for the greater good of many. To all you superwomen out there who're doing exactly the same, Happy International Women's Day!